10 years

10 years.
10 years since my mom passed away.
10 years and I remember November 9th, 2008 so vividly.
It is my strongest memory of her. It’s a horrible one, but her death was so life changing it is easy to understand why this memory is still so clear.

She was in a medically induced coma for the last few days of her life. 
See, I waited too long to say my goodbyes. I still had hope. Hope that she would wake up and beat cancer once and for all.
When I said my goodbyes, she was in a coma.
She couldn’t speak back, but she tried. She really really tried.

Two days after saying my goodbyes, she took her last breath.
I was in the computer room, on MySpace just passing time.
When suddenly, I had this strong urge to check up on my mom.
Her eyes rolled back, and I thought she was opening them. I thought she must be waking up!
But then I realized, she's not waking up ever again.
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t breathe.
 
Cancer took the most precious person in my life. 
 
 
10 years later, and not one day has passed where I haven’t thought about her.
See, we were both born on the same day, November 29th.
Born years apart, but we shared the "twin thing," twin empathy.
We could basically read each other’s minds.
If I thought at school, “ I really want Subway.” I would get home and there would be Subway for me.
We could feel each other’s pain.
If I had headache, she had a headache.
I started feeling sick when she was battling cancer, so she stopped telling me how she was feeling so I wouldn’t feel it too.
When she passed away, I knew I had a spot in my heart that will be never be filled again. A piece of me gone forever.
I miss her every single day. I miss her New York accent, her laughs, her stories from working in the hospital, her hugs, her cooking. I miss our midnight ice cream runs, our dancing in the living room, our birthday traditions.
I miss how she made me feel. 
 
Mom, I love you. I miss you. And I thank you for being my mom and for everything you have done for me.
I love you.
Oh and #FUCKYOUCANCER.